My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
