buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
