Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
