i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
