Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
