i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
