i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
