i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize