you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
