I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
