his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize