is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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