ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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