I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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