Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
