My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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