there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
