the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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