Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
