I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The dick lei will go down in squad history
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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