Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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