Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
