I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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