Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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