So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
