i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
