I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize