Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
