discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Terrible idea I love it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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