Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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