I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
