Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
