Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
