I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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