I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is her dick bigger than yours?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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