Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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