no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
