I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
How's work?
Spinning.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
