I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
