i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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