he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
