he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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