Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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