The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
