once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
