your parents love me but you hate me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
