Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
