Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
