i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
