i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
