Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also, beer. Big fan.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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