he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
