im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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