Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Randomize