she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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