I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
