you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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