My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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