I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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