He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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