Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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