dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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