just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
