I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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