my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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