Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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