DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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