party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize