Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
