I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I die, sorry about rent.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He shit in the fireplace
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
