so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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