i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
