i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
