Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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