Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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