I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
