Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
