As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
