Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
