Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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