Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
