I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
