Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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