So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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