sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
