thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
