I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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